http://kullhadd.blogspot.com/2008/08/il-mara-maqbuda-fgisem-ta-ragel.html
24.8.7; Ramona Portelli
Sa ftit zmien ilu li ragel jilbes ta’ mara jew li mara tilbes ta’ ragel kienet xi haga ta’ barra minn hawn. Maz-zmien bil-mod il-mod din bdiet tindara u tigi accettata mis-socjetà, l-istess ukoll hawn f’Malta. Fil-fatt illum il-gurnata m’ghadux aktar dak iz-zmien fejn l-irgiel jilbsu ta’ nisa jinhbew u ma jithalltux mas-socjetà. Anzi ghall-kuntrarju dawn illum saru jghixu hajja normali jew almenu kwazi normali bhall-kumplament tan-nies l-ohra.
Ghazilt li nitkellem ma’ Maxine Attard - transesswali ta’ 25 sena u li dan l-ahhar qed tghix Marsascala. Maxine hija persuna single u ma tahdimx. L-isem Maxine mhux l-isem proprju li twieldet bih. Ghalkemm ma riditx ittini informazzjoni ta’ x’inhu isimha fil-verità, xorta wahda rrispettajt id-decizjoni taghha. Kif spjegatli hi stess hija tiddeskrivi ruhha bhala mara maqbuda go gisem ta’ ragel li xi minn daqqiet ma tkunx tista’ tesprimi l-vera karattru taghha dak li veru hu!!!
Maxine qaltli li minn dejjem kienet thoss li hi mhux verament tifel kif fil-verità twieldet. Sa certu punt kienet thossha l-istess kif ihossuhom il-bniet.
“Qabel kont nghid li jien gay, imma xorta kont inhoss li hemm xi haga nieqsa u wara rrealizzajt li jiena transesswali”, bdiet tesprimi ruhha Maxine.
Bhala passatempi Maxine thobb tisma’ hafna d-diski u tghid ukoll li huma hajjitha ghax tismaghhom minn x’hin tqum sa ma torqod.
“Nimmagina li kieku fil-hajja m’hemmx diski, hajti tkun monotona. Inhobb nuza l-internet, nara dvds u nhobb infaddal affarijiet li ghandhom x’jaqsmu mal-kantanti Madonna u Kylie Monigue. Fil-fatt kull haga li ghandha x’taqsam maghhom ghandi kamra mimlija affarijiet taghhom. Inhobb hafna l-hwejjeg u l-make-up u nimxi mal-moda. Minbarra dan, inhobb hafna l-qtates. Fil-fatt ghandi erbgha u dawk ghalija qishom it-tfal tieghi. Inhobb nimxi, nohrog u nibbazzja ma’ shabi u nhobb nidhaq hafna u gieli nsajjar xi haga”.
Appogg familjari
Ghaliha l-familja hija l-priorità ta’ hajjitha. Maxine hija z-zghira nett minn fost hutha bniet l-ohra.
“Huti huma l-imhabba li ma naqset qatt, huma s-sapport li dejjem sibt u li qatt ma naqas. Huma jghinuni f’kull decizjoni u sibthom dejjem kemm jekk fil-hazin u anke fit-tajjeb. Fil-fatt nixtieq nahtaf din l-okkazjoni sabiex nirringrazzjahom minn qalbi ta’ kemm ikunu mieghi. Huti kollha mizzewgin u bil-familja taghhom u jiena nigi zija ta’ hames neputijiet. Ommi ghalija hija l-isbah don. Inhossni ffortunata li baqghet thobbni u tirrispettani. Ghalija hi l-ikbar u l-iktar habiba sinciera tieghi li l-imhabba taghha hija mhabba li ma nista’ niddiskriviha qatt. Missieri hu ta’ ftit kliem imma b’harsa minn ghajnejh jurini kemm infisser ghalih u li dejjem lest li jghini u li jhobbni bhalma jhobb il-kumplament ta’ huti. B’wicci minn quddiem nista’ nghid li l-familja tieghi jharsu lejja bhala binthom u ohthom u dejjem jghinuni biex inkompli nimmatura u nikber f’hajti u meta nhares lura naf li dejjem kienu hemm biex ituni kull sapport u ghajnuna li ghandi bzonn”, qaltli kburija Maxine dwar il-familja taghha.
Tfulija ta’ Maxine
Tlabtha tirrakkontali dwar it-tfulija taghha. Fil-fatt iddiskrivitha bhala tfulija sodisfatta.
“L-iskola kont iktar infittex u nilghab mal-bniet u anke bhala hbieb kelli aktar bniet. Gieli kont nigi bullied ukoll. Imma l-izjed zewgt ihbieb li kelli huma l-iktar zewg kugini li jien inhobb - Nadia u Daniel. Dejjem kienu hemm ghalija imma sfortunatament Daniel kien miet f’incident tat-traffiku. Hassejtha hafna u dak iz-zmien hajti xtaqtha tieqaf. Sal-lum il-gurnata Daniel ghadu mieghi u jghini f’kull problema li jkolli. Meta nkun imdejjqa naqbad ir-ritratt tieghu li ghandi mwahhal fis-salott u mieghu niftah qalbi”.
Bhala gugarelli Maxine kkonfermatli li minn dejjem kienet tfittex il-pupi. “Allahares xi hadd kien iressaqli karozza jew xi ballun quddiemi ghax vera kienu jdejjquni!!”, kompliet tghidli Maxine.
Dwar il-fatt jekk illum tikkunsidrax li taghmel l-operazzjoni sabiex tibdel is-sess taghha, Maxine wiegbet, “Iva dik hija l-holma ta’ hajti. Nixtiqha hafna hafna. Xi darba inkun kompluta minn kollox. Imma ghalkemm Malta huwa pajjiz fl-Unjoni Ewropea, xorta l-pilloli li ghandi bzonn irrid nixtrihom u huma gholjin wisq. Xi minn daqqiet inhossni qed naqta’ qalbi u noqghod nghid li pajjizi ohra li qedghin fl-Ewropa jsibu l-ghajnuna kollha li ghandhom bzonn u hawn Malta hlief jaghlquli l-bibien f’wicci ma sibtx ghal din il-bicca xoghol”, qaltli ddispjacuta Maxine.
In-nies ta’ madwarha jiddeskrivu lil Maxine bhala persuna ferhana, ta’ qalb tajba li lesta dejjem tghin lil kulhadd u fuq kollox in-nies ihobbuha hi kif inhi bid-dahqa taghha. Maxine fuq kollox hija persuna li lesta dejjem li taffronta l-affarijiet difficli u ma taqta’ qalbha qatt.
Peress li fuq il-karta ta’ l-identita taghha hija mnizzla bhala persuna ta’ sess maskili, dan il-fatt idejjaqha hafna. Fil-fatt meta tigi biex tuza l-karta ta’ l-identità taghha ma tiehux pjacir. “Li nuri l-ID card tieghi meta naf li ser nigi bzonnha ma nihux pjacir ghax iddejjaqni hafna dik il-haga li naf fic-cert li l-affarijiet ser jigu fit-tul u n-nies ser jippruvaw minn kollox biex jaraw kif ser iwaqqghuk ghac-cajt u jhammguk. Din il-haga ggalghni nhossni skomda hafna biha, anzi meta nkun naf li wasalt ghal xi qadja li jikkonsistu l-ID card ingieghel lili nnifsi nigi f’sitwazzjoni verament hazina”, spjegatli Maxine.
Min-naha l-ohra meta tmur tixtri minn go xi hanut tal-hwejjeg ovvjament tan-nisa, Maxine tispjega li dejjem giet moqdija tajjeb u dejjem sabet l-ghajnuna necessarja.
Problema li thoss ghadha diffikultà sal-gurnata tal-lum hija x-xoghol. “Meta mmur biex napplika ghal xi xoghol dejjem insib xi diffikultà ghall-fatt li jittimbrawni li minix persuna normali u li jiggudikaw l-apparenza tieghi. Dejjem jghiduli li se jibaghtu ghalija u minn dan kollu ma jsehh xejn. Ghalija hajti bla xoghol hija difficli wisq”, kompliet tistqarr Maxine.
Tirbah it-titlu Ms Klozet 2008
Ghall-ewwel darba din is-sena stess, sar konkors tas-sbuhija differenti minn dawk li normalment insegwu. Dan il-konkors b’tema rigward id-diversità ssejjah Miss Klozet 2008. Numru sostanzjali ta’ transvestiti hadu sehem f’Marzu li ghadda, fejn Maxine rebhet dan il-konkors bit-titlu ta’ Miss Pearl.
Maxine tghid, “f’hajti dejjem xtaqt niehu sehem f’konkors bhal dan u inkurunajt il-holma tieghi billi kelli l-privilegg li nilbes il-kuruna fuq rasi. Miss Klozet fethitli hafna bibien u qed tghini hafna billi nkun nista’ nesprimi iktar min jien u qed inkun ukoll ta’ ghajnuna ghal hafna nies ohra.
Hawnhekk nixtieq nirringrazzja hafna lil Simone, Albert u Eduardo ta’ kemm imxew mieghi tajjeb u ghal din l-opportunità”.
Hajja personali
Dwar kif tqatta’ l-granet ta’ kuljum taghha, Maxine qaltli li ta’ kuljum taghti l-attenzjoni taghha lill-qtates. Ta’ spiss tmur ghand ommha.
“Mal-gurnata nkun fil-kumpanija ta’ shabi, fil-fatt iktar kemm inkun f’kumpanija, aktar hajti tkun inqas monotona ghax jiena persuna li jdejjaqni l-kwiet. Il-kumplament tal-gurnata noqghod nizvoga mad-diski ta’ Madonna u Kylie Monigue”, qaltli Maxine.
Dwar jekk tmurx tisma’ l-quddies kull nhar ta’ Hadd, Maxine wiegbet, “Il-knisja ma mmurx però jien dejjem nibqa’ nemmen u nafda f’Alla ghax dak huwa t-taghlim li tghallimt fuqu, ghalkemm il-qassisin u certu nies jinfluwenzaw b’lenti hazina lin-nies bhalna. Jien nemmen li Alla jhobbni kif jien!!!“, ziedet tghid Maxine.
Dwar relazzjonijiet ta’ imhabba, Maxine qaltli li ricentament ma kellix fit-tul, però stqarret mieghi li kienet f’relazzjoni u li damet tmien xhur ma’ persuna straight.
“Ghall-bidu kollox deher sabih, però wara ftit zmien qbadtu jaqlibhieli. Batejt hafna imma jiena pesuna niggieled hafna mal-hajja u nibqa’ nhares dejjem lejn il-futur u ‘l quddiem. Jiena naf f’liema sitwazzjoni qieghda u naf ezatt xi rrid. Nixtieq hafna li nkun f’relazzjoni ma’ ragel li jhobbni u jaccettani kif jien u li ma jaghtix kaz x’jghidu n-nies. Fil-hajja tieghi naf li mhux possibbli li jkolli familja bi tfal, izda bhalma digà ghedt il-qtates huma t-tfal tieghi”, sostniet Maxine.
Qlibt is-suggett ghal make-up u z-zraben tat-takkuna. Ridt inkun naf minn fejn tghallmet tapplika l-make-up fuqha nnifisha. “Minn dejjem kont inhobb nesperimenta bil-make-up u nista’ nghid li dan l-ahhar zmien tghallimt naghmlu minghajr l-ebda ghajnuna u nista’ nghid ukoll li tghallimt wahdi”, wiegbet sodisfacenti.
Dwar it-takkuna kkonfermatli li minn dejjem kienet thobbha ghax meta kienet zghira kienet tilbes ta’ ohtha. “Illum il-gurnata ma noqghodx minghajr takkuna pencil, jekk ma jkollix takkuna ma nhossnix mara 100%. Nammetti li tghajjini xi ftit imma go saqajja tibqa’ ghax inhobbha.”
Dwar l-ilbies taghha minn filghodu sa filghaxija, Maxine stqarret mieghi li hadet decizjoni li hajjitha minn issa sal-futur taghha timxi ta’ mara u li l-hajja tal-passat ta’ ragel waqfet ghal kollox.
Fan kbira ta’ Madonna u Kylie
Maxine tiddeskrivi lilha nnifisha bhala litteralment mitlufa fuq il-kantanti Madonna u Kylie Minogue.
“Rigward Madonna nista’ nghid li kbirt maghha u nikkonsidra lili nnifsi bhala fan kbira taghha minn età ckejkna ta’ tliet snin. Minn dejjem kont insegwiha u ghadni sal-lum. Madonna dejjem tatni l-kuragg li nimxi mad-diffikultajiet li niffaccja jien u nipprova dejjem niehu ftit mid-determinazzjoni u l-kuragg li turi u ma taghtix kaz dak li jintqal fuqha u dik hija l-haga li tghallimt u wasalt fejn wasalt illum. Kylie hija l-mera ta’ karattru li hija jiena li hafna minn nies ixebbhuni maghha bhala simpatijia u l-mod li timxi u l-femminilità. Dawn iz-zewg divas ghadhom u jibqghu l-unici idoli tieghi. Nemmen hafna u nibqa’ dejjem nimxi bil-mod taghhom u nibqa’ dejjem insegwi u affaxxinata lejn il-moda taghhom li jien toghgobni hafna.
Jien u nkun qed inlesti ghall-harga ta’ kull Sibt nilbes dejjem bid-diski taghhom ghaddejin li ghalija jkunu ta’ kuragg u naf fic-cert li l-harga tieghi tkun ser tkun wahda memorabbli”, sostniet Maxine.
Fil-fatt tant hi ffissata li sostniet mieghi li anke gieli taghmel shows ta’ drag queens u li dawn jigu milqugha tajjeb. Thossha komda hafna li tesprimi ruhha b’dan il-mod. Fil-fatt issostni li minn età zghira kienet toqghod taghmel ix-shows ta’ Madonna quddiem il-mera.
Holma unika
Il-holma ta’ Maxine hija wahda semplici hafna - li xi darba tkun mara kompluta u tkun kif dejjem tixtieq li tkun fil-futur.
“Nixtieq li xi darba insib dik l-imhabba li ili nfittex, ragel semplici u umli u mimli mhabba li lest ihobbni ghas-semplicità tieghi u l-vivacità li mimlija jien f'hajti u ma jaghtix kas li jghidu n-nies”.
Fl-ahharnett tlabt lil Maxine tghaddi xi kummenti u pariri lil dawk li forsi bhalissa jinsabu ghaddejjin minn xi diffikultà rigward l-orjentazzjoni sesswali taghhom.
“M’ghandhom jaqtghu qalbhom qatt, anzi jaffrontaw il-problema taghhom, ma jiqfux u ma jaghtux kas ta’ xi kummenti negattivi u ma jigux influenzati b’li jghidulhom. F’din id-dinja kulhadd normali u kulhadd ghandu dritt li jghix il-hajja tieghu minghajr diskriminazzjoni. Bhala ideat u approaching nahseb li s-socjetà Maltija qed taccetta aktar lill-omosesswali, però xorta wahda baqa’ iktar xoghol dwar kif ghandhom iharsu b’lenti differenti lejn l-omosesswali u transesswali. Ghal kull min jafni nixtieq nirringrazzjah minn qalbi ta’ kemm jaghmlu u ghadhom jaghmlu mieghi, ta’ l-appogg u l-imhabba li juruni, naf dejjem fic-cert li qeghdin lesti biex ituni bicca minnhom. Ghal dawk li ghadhom ma sarux jafuni nispera li ghad jigi dak iz-zmien fejn inkunu nistghu nkunu haga wahda u nesprimu lilna nfusna”, ghalqet Maxine bi tbissima.
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http://maltastar.com/pages/msrv/msfullart.asp?an=23513
| Trapped in a male body: Maxine about her life as a transsexual | ||||||
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 Maxine’s dream is to have a complete sex change so that one day she starts living her life as a woman, the way she felt since she was born. In a full interview, to be published in Sunday paper Kullhadd, Maxine Attard, 25, who won the first edition of Ms Klozet 2008, speaks about how difficult it is to get a sex change in Malta. “To have a sex change is my life’s dream. I want it so that one day I can say I am myself. But despite Malta being an EU member, I still have to buy pills which are too expensive. Sometimes I feel that everybody is closing the door in my face, especially when I know that in other European countries they [transsexuals] find help,” says Maxine. Maxine describes herself as a woman trapped in a male body, and that at times she cannot express her real self, “what I really am.” “I always felt, since when I was young, that I wasn’t a boy. When I was young I felt a girl. I used to believe I am gay, yet that wouldn’t explain my feelings… until I realised I am transsexual,” she says. Her life was not simple, as she explains that since schooldays she used to play with girls and most of her friends were girls. Maxine says that she always played with dolls and that she hated playing with cars and balls. “I was bullied [at school] as well,” she tells Kullhadd. Maxine’s life was not only a difficult one when she was young, even now, she still finds difficulty especially when trying to find a job. “When I apply for a job I always find difficulties. Employers tend to put a stigma on me as soon as they see me. All of them say they would call me back, but none of them ever did. It is very difficult for me to cope without a job,” says Maxine.  Another problem she faces in her day to day life is when she has to use her identity card. She is still listed as a male because she hasn’t as yet made her full sex change. “I hate it when I have to show my ID card, because I know people will try to make fun of you and make you feel uncomfortable,” Maxine explains. But not all is bleak in her life. Earlier this year, Maxine Attard won the first ever diversity beauty contest in Malta, Miss Klozet 2008. She won the title of Miss Pearl.  “This was a dream come true. The Miss Klozet contest has opened new avenues in my life and I can express myself better and help more people,” said Maxine.She explains to Kullhadd that she has a very close relationship with her family, especially her mother and sisters who always helped her in any possible way. “I am the youngest one among my sisters and their love for me never desisted. My mother is the greatest gift, she respects me and loves me… I am very lucky, she is my greatest and closest friend,” she says. | ||||||
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